so, yesterday evening, I decided that I wanted to get out. Watch a movie. I had no idea what to watch, I just knew that the latest DC movie was... not for me.
I was surprised to see a poster for BLAIR WITCH... and that it was out for a week.
Here is my review.
Back in the late 90s there was a movie called Blair Witch Project. It was a movie about 3 students, Heather, Mike and Josh (the fact that I remember those names after almost 20 years says a lot, right?) who went into the woods, looking for a witch. They vanished. Years later they found the tapes from the students.
I simply loved the movie. It was one of those rare moments when watching a movie in cinema was worth it. The sound, the darkness... everything perfect. Even if the movie was cheap and nothing too special.
Years later we had Blair Witch Project 2. It was a mess. I dont remember any name or actor. The story itself was that the movie was a movie and not real. But fans of the movie wanted to visit the woods. And bad things happened.
It was a boring movie and not worth the title Blair Witch.
Now, almost 20 years later, we got Blair Witch. Backstory: The brother of Heather saw a youtube video and believes that he saw his sister in it. The fact alone that it was 20 years later and he still thinks that she is in the woods is stupid.
Other cast: His girlfriend, the stereo-typical black guy (he is every stereo type) and his girlfriend. They join a couple (?) who found the video and walk into the woods.
And were never seen again. Years later they found their videotapes and...
Wait, did I copy/paste that from above? No? Well, its because the movie is almost a 1:1 copy of the 90s version.
I dont remember any names from the characters. But I made some notes.
See this as a spoiler warning. And if you saw the movie maybe you can answer me here:
1. WHY does he think after 20 years she might be still in the woods?
2. She is wearing leather boots? In the woods? And walks through the water? Girl, you deserve to die!
3. a deep cut? Stop walking into the woods and get her to a doctor!
4. A drone? Really? I cant let my drone fly without crashing and you want to let yours fly IN THE WOODS?
5. Woods are not quiet! You cant sneak up to someone without noise!
Update: Even the actors say to stop sneaking up
6. stupid jumpscares!
7. Hah! Even the actors say F**k this, I´m out of here!
8. Does this girl have wood for bones or what is that noise?
9. What was that? A bug? Or a feather?
10. I thought she is in pain. Why and how is she climbing up this tree?
11. Why do she try to get the drone back?
12. I feel like I´m watching a different movie. Somehow like a mix of Signs, It and REC.
13. WHY? WHY DO YOU SHOW THE WITCH???
All in all, if this movie was made in 2002 or 2003 we would have Blair Witch 5-10, just like those Paranormal Activity movies. Its better than the second one and worthy title part 2. I dont regret watching it and I will buy it.
I cant give this movie 4 or even 5 stars. Too many stupid things are happening. But its not the worst movie of the year, its funny and made me want to watch the first one again. So... lets say 3 of 5 burned witches.
Now I keep thinking: What would Mercy do?